


Desperation

by AvatarQuake



Series: This is how it starts [13]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, I really must love doing the 'sad Phil headspace', Missing Scene, POV Phil Coulson, S1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:30:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5267927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvatarQuake/pseuds/AvatarQuake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Her face too pale and the red of the blood on her lips too vivid,and Coulson thinks grimly of Snow White.Too close to a reenactment of the story,but there is no prince coming here to wake her up.'</p>
<p>All Coulson can do is believe Skye will survive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Desperation

**Author's Note:**

> I think I love putting the man through this pain - and the episodes did help me with it.  
> I give him a happy moment and the next one has him scared for Skye's life.  
> 

If it's not him getting kidnapped,it's Skye getting shot and he knows this is a shitty way to think about things,but he allows himself this one moment of anger towards the world.

He is still holding on to the chamber Skye is in and he wonders about the irony of the world.

The one person he wants to have everything good that was being denied for so long,ends up fighting a losing battle for her life and Coulson can only hold on to a glass chamber.

Her face too pale and the red of the blood on her lips too vivid,and Coulson thinks grimly of Snow White.Too close to a reenactment of the story,but there is no prince coming here to wake her up.

There is no prince,just him and he can berely stand on his own feet at the moment,and isn't he just pathetic?

Coulson is berely aware that he is now alone in the lab.But that is insignificant compared to Skye.Nothing is important right now.Just this woman fighting for her life.

(He thinks he may have heard somethig,a thud,like a fist on metal.He isn't sure.It doesn't matter at the moment.)

Skye is brave and reckless and he should have done something more,planned this mission better.

(But it was _her_ mission,too.He planned this together,with her.If Skye didn't expect Quinn to pull a triger on her,how could he have expected it?)

He wants to talk to her,hold her hand tightly and promise to never let go.But he can't.He can't because the glass between them is keeping her alive,at least until they reach the medical facilities and he can only hope she will pull though this.

He has to believe she will.Because she's Skye and Skye is so much stronger than him.

(And because a world without Skye seems so much...less.Bleak and empty in a way he didn't expect he'd feel.And he still has to tell her.He needs to.She should know she is loved,that there is this man here,scarred and undeserving of her as he is,who will always wait for her to come back safe.)

' _You called me to come back._ ' he thinks. ' _And now,I am calling you to hold on a little longer.Just a little longer.We'll be in Zurich soon.It's where the closest SHIELD hospital is,Skye._ '

He holds on to the chamber,like it's his lifeline,because he can't do anything else and he doesn't know what else to do.

“Skye,I need you to hold on,ok?I need you to hold on,because I have something very important to tell you and something you'll most probably reject,but you need to be alive and conscious to do that.” he whispers to her. “You hear me,Skye?Stay alive.And that's the first order I will not allow you to disobey.” he says desperately. “And yes,you will,most probably,have a lot of leeway to disobey my orders.”

He is saying her name among the nonsensical things he says,as if hearing it will make her hold on.And he knows he is being desperate.

The next few hours,until May informed them they were landing,felt like they were the longest of his life,of this after death life he had been given.

He is absolutely certain he will be having more nightmares about Skye dying in his arms than he has about Tahiti and dying himself.

(He is not looking forward to either of them,he admits.And he isn't sure if he prefers one to the other.Skye dying in his arms or a therapist that turns to a machine poking in his brain?Heartache or the memory of physical pain?)

But until he has to face these night terrors,he'll wait and pray Skye makes it through,even if only to see the disapproving look on her face when she finds out he was a total wreck without her.

 


End file.
